The Thing About Cheetos

I think the thing I like best about Cheetos is that they are dangerously cheesy.  I'm a little bit embarrassed by the fact that I'm thirty-nine years old and I'm sneaking Cheetos from a secret hoard in my desk drawer where I hide them from my peeps because I can't bear to share them.  But not embarrassed enough to stop doing it.
The problem with sneaking Cheetos arises when someone walks into the room and I'm still crunching.  Theoretically I should just be able to slam that drawer and swallow, but it's more complicated.  I mean, I can totally close the drawer with one hand and wipe the orange powder off my face with the other because I'm an amazing multi-tasker like that, but it takes some serious shuffling of papers to cover up the crunch.  And no matter how tidy I try to be, there's still cheesy goodness all over my fingers.
For health reasons, I'm supposed to be avoiding stress as much as possible, so I just wait until I'm alone to sneak into my secret stash of Cheetos.  Then I hear a noise--lick the fingers, chew faster, stuff the bag, swallow hard, shut the drawer, wipe the face, close out of all the windows of Jeremy Renner pictures on my computer so I don't look like the stalker that I am, blow the cheese powder off the keyboard--and then I see it was only the cat.
I almost gave myself a heart attack over those stupid cheese flavored corn snacks.  Those things are dangerously cheesy.