My Opening Argument

First off, Jeremy Renner is hot, yesno?  Ca-RAZY hot.  (Don’t tell Hunneypunkin I said so, or I won’t get Bourne Legacy or Avengers for Christmas.)  Can’t say I want to meet Jeremy Renner though.  I would have nothing to say so I’d just stare, which would be super fun for me but probably awkward and possibly boring for him.  Now that we’ve established Jeremy Renner’s hotness, let’s move on to lesser topics.

My health, for instance.  I feel like crap.  Figuratively.  I mean I’ve never literally gone out and intentionally experimented with comparing multiple textures of crap.  But I feel so stinking tired that I have to take a huge breath to even be able to say “chronic fatigue”, especially if I’m going to pronounce it the way it’s spelled because the correct pronunciation is way too boring.

Apparently my heart muscle is weak and that’s one of the reasons I feel so tired.  That thought is just foreign to me because I am of German descent.  We German folk don’t need hearts.  We have brains.  We’re like the Vulcans of Earth.  Practical.  Logical.  Drunk.  Wait—what?  Hey, for the record, I’m not now, nor have I ever been, drunk.  I understand there is some tendency toward alcoholism in my ancestry so it seems practical and logical to avoid excessive boozedness.  And practical and logical is what I am.  Not drunk.  Now or ever.

So to take care of my heart I’m on a restricted exercise regimen of non-brisk walking, up to one mile every other day, and a little bit of weight lifting when I feel up to it.  Also I’ve been going to the theater far more often than usual because I’ve noticed that my heartbeat feels a little stronger during a Jeremy Renner movie.