Bucking the Trends

The current fad in landscaping is to replace your lawn with clover or creeping thyme as those things attract pollinators, plus you don't have to mow.  I have my share of creeping thyme and I'm prepping to add some clover because it keeps the dust down, but I'm not getting rid of the grass.  It's the best for playing volleyball and croquet in the yard, and my environment is much friendlier when we aren't stepping on bees.  Besides, my barnyard friends love those grass clippings.  Mmm-mm!

Minimizing your possessions and living in a tiny house is the lifestyle to live nowdays.  Living selflessly, reducing your carbon footprint, keeping only what you need.  Only what you need?  That sounds selfish.  I'm not into hoarding, but I'm keeping room for family, giving, sharing, hospitality, and a whole lot of people producing not much carbon.

Now I've discovered that the round earth/flat earth discussion is back in fashion.  I admit I'm mildly interested in hearing both sides, but ultimately I don't care.  No matter what shape the earth is, Jeremy Renner is still an actor, I still love my family and friends, and home is still my favorite place to be.

Level Nor Plumb

Hunneypunkin in all his do-it-yourselfness has three problems. One is I've spent all his money so there's no budget left for his projects. The other two problems are these: nothing we own is level, nothing we own is plumb.

Should he hang the curtain rod even with the ceiling, or with the window? Ultimately we split the difference and went halfway in between. If nothing lines up to begin with, why line up anything now?

Do we tile the shower diagonally because the walls don't stand up straight? Forget it, we'll all just take baths.

Jeremy Renner works construction. What would he do? He's probably all level and plumb.

Now if only Hunneypunkin could get me to stop spending all of his money.

Mirrors in the Garden

I enjoy looking at garden and landscape pictures and reading about garden and landscape ideas. It's a perfect pastime when it's too hot to be outside in my own garden and landscape.

If you spend enough time browsing garden and landscape concepts, you'll inevitably stumble into the mirror debate. The creativity camp wants an interesting mirror gracing the garden, and wildlife enthusiasts call cruelty, as birds might be hurt or killed by flying into the mirror thinking it's just more sky.

My question is this: how stupid does a bird have to be to collide with its own reflection? The idea is so preposterous that I can't even come up with a Jeremy Renner reference.

I experimented, myownself. I had a mirror in the garden for years. I'm happy to report no bird deaths. Occasionally a one-man cat fight, but never any bird casualties.

Simplify Your Adventure

Back in the late 1900's all the cool bookworms were eating up the Choose Your Own Adventure books.  Readers had a series of options to select from which would affect which ending of the story they would get, sometimes happy and sometimes not.

Current society seems totally into choosing its own everything, and the available options aren't good enough so it's defying reality to invent more.  You can decide to be a windstorm today and a green skinned purple haired Jeremy Renner tomorrow.  And the bizarrer the options people embrace, the miserabler they become.

After decades of adherence to regular common normal basic monotonous standard average boring established mundane classic traditional customary ways of life, I'm content with my adventure.  Current society despises content people, what with misery loving company and all, but I'm capable of being simultaneously despised and content.  If you're not afraid of being despised by current society and you'd like some joy and peace, simplify your adventure with me.

Summer Drinking Game

It's important to stay hydrated when it's this toasty outside.  I propose this foolproof idea to make sure you drink enough this summer.

Each time you wallow in negative emotions, catch yourself complaining, recall something stupid you said out loud, or watch Jeremy Renner interviews when you're supposed to be mowing the lawn, throw down a fat shot of water.  Whenever you receive a compliment, hear yourself laugh, have a happy thought, or actually finish something you started (not a fight, it has to be something positive), take a drink of lemonade or whatever your favorite bevvy might be.

With this life hack not only will you keep up your fluid intake, you'll also be training yourself to not be a timewasting whinybutt crybaby.

Now get off social media and toss some liquids down the hatch.

Permanent Marker on the Wall

I fashioned a fancy signature as a teenager, as most girls do.  I autographed my bedroom wall because I was interior designy like that.  My parents didn't appreciate that particular form of artistic expression and I was promptly instructed to erase it.  Hey, I'd been respectful, I'd done it in pencil.

As a parent of young children I had to call Hunneypunkin at work to bring home something from the hardware store to remove The Precious's Sharpie art from the walls.

But now my children are big people and I'm a senior citizen I do what I want so I've escalated.  I'm calligraphing on my own walls.  And I'm doing it with a permanent marker.  I'm interior designing the purgatory out of my house, and even Jeremy Renner can't stop me.

Perspective

I read a news story about some guy in a distant state who dressed up as different movie characters and walked through town during the lockdowns just to entertain people who were stuck at home.  People in my own area thought it was cute and sweet and wonderful and creative.

I read another news story about a local guy who did the same thing.  Those same people thought he was a nut job or a freak show.  Everybody was scared.  Someone reported him to the authorities, even though he was doing absolutely nothing but walking down the sidewalk in a costume.

We can't all be Jeremy Renner, people.  Have a little faith in your neighbors.