Getting Good at Faking It

Seriously.  I didn't hear all that well to begin with, but now being in public is extra fun.  What with crackly drive-up window microphones, the plexiglass savior walls, and then the mucous mufflers blocking the ability to see anyone's mouth move, I can't even make an educated guess as to what people are saying to me these days.

Mostly I assume people aren't saying anything to me at all, but when they lean around me and into my face, I begin to believe someone is attempting to communicate.  At that point I just imagine what their snuffling might be about, and give a generic response.

Maybe they're apologizing for getting in my way so I'll give a "No worries."

Or it might be a greeting so I just say, "Hi."

When the bank teller said, "Mffff blpr tnnnf lrmr," at the drive up window I simply replied, "Okay."

I could have had a non-conversation with Jeremy Renner in Fred Meyer and not even known it.

The best all-purpose answer I have is, "You too."  Now that might be a problem if whatever they're saying isn't nice...but it would only be a problem for the other person, because whatever I imagined they were saying was pleasant.

Checking Email

No, I don't need Silver Singles, thank you.  I'm not single.  I'm not even that silver.

Messages marked URGENT, HURRY, or LAST CHANCE get deleted without a second look.  Aren't electronics supposed to make our lives simpler and full of ease?

Very few online petitions are for real.  If any.  Not signing.

I don't click links, especially not regarding my Amazon order (that I never placed) from asboinrioelwknflvkjfg.dltpohoghnlarelot@scammer.com.

It isn't true that I'll SAVE MONEY on my purchase of any product from any website.  The only way I save money is by actually saving real money.

If I want to know that someone "liked" my social media post, I'll take a look at my social media post.

I probably ought to take a look at those statements, but in all reality, I'm not gonna.

I already know what Jeremy Renner is up to, I saw him on Instagram.

Ooh, there's what I wanted to see!  The latest news from the homeowner's associating that my email address somehow got mistakenly included in.  I've never met those people, but I love them now.  It's good to know that life goes on in my HOA.

Feeling Tame

Things I've already accomplished so far in the new year:

Made it out of bed every morning.

Picked up a gift for an upcoming birthday.

Tucked away nineteen cents for a rainy day.

Destroyed the house on a "let's paint this wall" whim.

Kept the family fed...or at least supplied with something they can cook for themselves.

Things I haven't done so far this year:

Killed.

Robbed.

Rioted.

Looted.

Bombed.

Got drunk and picked up women.

Asymptomatically infected anyone.

Watched a Jeremy Renner movie.

Insurrected.

Hm. Now that I read this back to myself, my life looks pretty lame. Time to up my game, maybe.

Happy New Year

No resolutions, I'm just reverting to precedented times.  Who's with me?  And we'll recruit Jeremy Renner.