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Saturday, January 10, 2015

Acceptance Speech

I love to hate awards shows.  Or maybe I hate to love them.  Listening to acceptance speeches gives me an ulcer.  They all sound equally awkward whether or not they're rehearsed or pre-planned.
Is it negligent to not write out an acceptance speech if you know you've been nominated?  Is it presumptuous to write out an acceptance speech when you don't know you'll win?
I've decided to plan my own acceptance speech now so I'll be ready for the awards I'm certain to win in the future.  They may only be World's Crappiest Blog awards, but I believe in being prepared.  Here goes:

"I'd like to say I'm humbled to be nominated for this award because all the other nominees are my heroes, but the truth is I know I deserve this award more than they do.
I thank my family, who supported me.  As well as my family who didn't.
Thanks to all my fans, you both rock.
[Next I'll extend my gratitude to My Besties and a list of seventeen random names no one will recognize.]
I also thank Fernando the Pool Guy, my good friend (or whatever) Dromiquine, my sisters-in-law Lovesme and Hatesme, Jeremy Renner, and Jake from State Farm for being my inspiration whether they knew it or not.
But first I'd like to thank God, because He owns everything anyway, whether you believe in Him or not.  I just couldn't say that first or some atheist would've shut off the mike."

1 comment:

  1. I think Jeremy Renner should have been the State Farm dude. ("She sounds hideous.")

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