Somebody Walked Into a Bar

I love "walked into a bar" jokes.
A blond walked into a bar.  You'd think she would have seen it.  -Richard Armitage.
A grasshopper walked into a bar.  The bartender said, "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"  The grasshopper said, "You have a drink called Steve?" -Santa Claussen
Two guys walked into a bar.  You'd think the second one would duck.  -Andrew R.
Two strings walked into a bar.  The bartender said, "We don't serve strings here.  Get out of my bar."  The first string left.  The second string went into the bathroom, tied himself in half, ratted his hair, and went back to the bar.  The bartender said, "We don't serve strings here.  You're not a string, are you?"  The string answered, "I'm afraid not."  (You have to think outside the spelling.)  -Rapunzel
Two elves walked into a bar.  A Hobbit laughed and walked under it.  -Pixie
A bear walked into a bar and said, "I'll have a gin.........and tonic."  The bartender asked, "Why the big pause?"  The bear said, "I got them from my dad."  (I had to think a moment before I got that one.  Again, it's the spelling.) -Again, Santa Claussen
The past, present, and future walked into a bar.  It was a tense moment.  -Facebook
A Roman walked into a bar.  He held up two fingers, and said, "I'll have five beers."  -Pixie
A depressed cat walked into a bar.  The bartender gave the cat a shot.  The cat slowly pushed the shot glass to the edge of the bar, watched it fall to the floor and shatter, then said, "Another."  -The Internets
Jeremy Renner walked into a bar.  He said it hurt. -I made that up myself.
Can't remember where I heard it, but it's my personal all-time favorite:
A dyslexic guy walked into a bra.

Bipolar

Since I have too many things to do, I needed to waste some time.  Doesn't make sense?  Of course not, that's what this blog is all about.  So because I have Richard Armitage on the brain, I started youtubing North and South.
(...time lapse...)
I'm not sure when I started this blog entry, but I finished watching North and South a long time ago.  North and South...that's why the title is "Bipolar"...get it?  Not sure what else I was planning to write that day, but apparently I got distracted.
Anyway, North and South is on my "If Hunneypunkin Goes Shopping for my Birthday" list.  I'll pop me some corn and melt me some butter and watch North and South with Hunneypunkin and Jeremy Renner.

Inappropriate Use of Packing Tape

I'm breathing easy after having survived an uneventful April Fool's Day.  Usually an innocent bystander, I must confess that this one time, I started it.  My boss's boss came to town, took the guys to lunch, and left me alone in the office.  With his laptop.  (How did this guy get into upper management?)  Not one to ignore opportunity when she knocks, I utilized two teensy slices of packing tape to seal BossBoss's laptop shut.
In my defense I must explain that I spent all waking hours in that constricting office--true story, I slept while I drove home--with only Tom's Coffee and stale ramen for sustenance and only chronic migraines and sinus infections for company.  It was quite necessary to provide myself with occasional enrichment exercises.
Okay, the sustenance/company story is not completely true.  I did have a daily visit with, and chocolate chip cookie from, Santa Claussen.  TWO daily if I was good.  Nevertheless, the need for occasional enrichment exercises still stood.
I had downed my ramen and was on a conference call when BossBoss, Boss, and Crew returned from mightily feasting.  I had actually forgotten my packing tape exercise until BossBoss, fumbling with his laptop, looked at me and said, "Let me guess.  Your boss?"  Not one to throw my boss under the bus, I tried to throw a coworker under the bus.  "I TOLD Santa Claussen not to do that," I said.  The bonus of ranking too low for a business luncheon, is also ranking too low to be a prank suspect.
Apparently I also ranked too low for BossBoss to believe me, because he still suspected my boss and gave him a proper thanking.  Not one to take false incrimination lightly, Boss took up the packing tape himself.  When I got to the office next morning, the exercise ball with which I had replaced my desk chair had been thoroughly packaged in tape.  So I taped Boss's mouse to his mouse pad.  So Boss packing-taped my mouse and mouse pad.  I taped down the handset of his desk phone.  He taped down the handset of my desk phone.  I taped his desk drawers shut.
Boss upped the ante from packing tape to rubber spiders.  Rubber SPIDERS!  Not one to be one-upped, I raided the coffee station to replace the sugar with salt.
I no longer work there.  Boss doesn't either.  (Not necessarily because of inappropriate use of packing tape.)  I don't think Boss ever got me back for the salted coffee.  Sometimes I wake up in the night and worry about that.  All I can do is put on my best tough-and-cool Jeremy Renner face so nobody knows that I'm constantly looking over my shoulder.