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Sunday, March 3, 2013

Unwanted Hair Removal

Does the word "unwanted" refer to the hair, or the removal?
I tried to tell myself my mustache wasn't that bad.  Then Hunneypunkin in a rare display of Imperial storm trooperhood threatened to hide me from the public until I did something about it.
So I tried to wax my facial hair, but even though I obeyed the instructions like a saint, all that got me was a mustache full of wax.  I tracked down all the vain people I knew to get some pointers, but the only thing I learned was, "Don't buy the stuff from Wal*Mart."  Which of course, is precisely where my little package of pain infliction had come from.
I gave up on the wax and resorted to tweezers.  Unfortunately my mother was Rapunzel and my old man was a Wookie, resulting in us children being fur-bearing mammals.  That's all well and good for my brothers, but it's rather unfavorable for me, what with my being a girl and all.  By the time I had tweezed a square millimeter of the surface area of my face it was tomorrow already.
Tweezing was quite literally a pain so I reverted to ignoring my whiskers until I could see them in the mirror even without corrective lenses.  Then I chopped them off with scissors.
Rapunzel has suggested I just shave, but after Hunneypunkin advised Lefty and The Precious, all in good fun, to "ask Mama" how to manage peach fuzz when they reached the wonderful world of teenage, I refuse to take a razor to my face.
I toyed with the idea of starting some sort of new trend with women's facial hair, but I'm just not famous enough for that to be feasible.  Yet.  Plus, I can't really pull off a heart-stopping goatee as well as someone like, say, Jeremy Renner.
Yesterday after maybe drinking too much (caramel mocha I mean), I opted to try waxing one more time.  When I'd had enough of ripping hairs from my face using strips of wax, I ripped out a few more using tweezers.  Then I scissored the growth that remained.  I still spurned shaving.  Today I have red, sore, and slightly swollen bald spots in the stubble surrounding my lips.  Is this worth it?

2 comments:

  1. I don't know if you have any chemical allergies BUT Oil of Olay (what you get when you squeeze Olive Oil) has a product that you put on your facial hair ...you just put it on, wait like 5 minutes while wearing lots of white hair-ridding creamy stuff on your 'stash, then gently wipe off. I WILL NOT wax my face...I am too much of a pansy and tweezing pisses me off because it takes FOREVER and is also painful. Hopefully you are able to find some success. I know you adore Jeremy Renner but I am glad to see you are not trying to look like him :-)

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  2. Waxing is too painful, tweezing is too painful, gooping is messy and time consuming. The razor is quick and easy. Trust me.

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