Thespian Empress

Lil Chev wasn't new, but I kept it clean on the outside, tidy on the inside, full of gas, and insured.  My good friend (or whatever) Dromiquine, however, was unimpressed.  She never openly dissed my car, but she often complimented it, and me, in her trademark backhanded fashion.  "It's so nice that you're able to save money by driving...that.  But let's drive mmiinne.  Be careful, it's full of automatic gadgets you're probably not used to."  One of Dromiquine's fascinating characteristics is her ability to add syllables to first-person pronouns.
When Hunneypunkin traded Lil Chev in on a car manufactured in the same millennium we lived in, Dromiquine spilled a tear.  "III'm happy for you.  It's so hard to see someone else get a new car when III'm not getting one."  Another of Dromiquine's unique idiosyncrasies is her amazing power to designate herself the focus of any conversation.
Dromiquine was deeply wounded after I'd gone out for sixteen-ounce caramel mochas with a mutual friend.  "Without mmee?!"  When I assured her we simply thought she'd be uninterested after the many times she'd tossed her hair and proclaimed, "III don't drink those things," Dromiquine said it must be our mutual friend who excluded her.  Then she called our mutual friend and told her I'd blamed Mutual Friend for excluding Dromiquine.  Blink blink.  Fortunately, Mutual Friend is familiar with Dromiquine's exquisite talent for fact-morphage.
Fact-morphage might explain how Dromiquine's diversity of life experiences rival those of Nancy Drew.  And you almost believe her lively anecdotes because her thespian capabilities rival those of Jeremy Renner.
As it turns out, Dromiquine gets around.  Everyone I meet seems to be good friends (or whatever) with her.  My sister-in-law Lovesme was excommunicated from Dromiquine's life for the audacity of getting married while Dromiquine was still single.  My sister-in-law Hatesme had a visit from the sheriff when Dromiquine turned her in for animal cruelty because Dromiquine heard her dog bark once.  My BFFs are all stronger people for their association with Dromiquine.  Even Pixie has run into her at the park.  Angel Doll met her at camp.
I imagine you know Dromiquine too, so you're acquainted with her one-of-a-kind perspective and peculiarities.  Variety truly is the spice of life, is it not?  Testify!