Cats

The pets have sent a message loud and clear: Our new brand of cat food is not acceptable.

At first, they merely sniffed their bowl and walked away, and we thought they were just skeptical.  I mean, cats are.  But then they upped their game.  You know they troll the kitchen counters when you're sleeping, but they've started doing it in broad daylight.  Right in front of you.  Making eye contact.  Hunneypunkin sat down to breakfast one morning and immediately had a cat materialize on each knee, sticking their whiskers in his plate.

We thought they would adjust, but the protests have only ramped up.  The Precious sleeps with ear plugs because the sound of kibbles being scraped out of the dish and onto the floor all night long keeps him up.  We wake up from a dead sleep with paws on our chests and claws raking our faces.  There are needly little bite marks in my life-size Jeremy Renner cardboard cutout.  Regularly scheduled 2AM howling fits are now hourly throughout the day and night.  Lefty and the Pixie alternate twelve hour shifts opening and closing the front door as inside-outside demands have doubled.

This morning was the last straw.  I woke up to my most recent attempt at knitting all unraveled and the yarn strewn across the living room floor, spelling out "Death to humanity".  I surrender.  We're buying different cat food today.

Snice

Snow on the ground is cool.  Ice on the ground is not awesome.  Here, on the eighty-seventh day of January, it looks like we have pretty snow on the ground, but if you walk out there you find it has melted a little and frozen, and melted a little and frozen, and now what we have is...snice.  

I do not like snice.

Snice is nasty.  It's ugly, hard, crunchy, slick, and filthy.  There are little yellow holes of dog pee in it.  Bits of dead leaves and pieces of trash that have blown in from windstorms are entombed in there.  I put a blindfold on my life-size Jeremy Renner cardboard cutout so he doesn't have to look at it.

I'm trying to be optimistic about the snice.  Even though there's no visible evidence right now, I know there are bulbs under there.  The snice will melt and water the ground, and there will be flowers soon.  Hang in there, my friends.  Beautiful things are coming.

All the Little Things

They add up.

Get rid of those bits of vulgarity.  Maybe they seem like no big deal, but they build up like dental tartar and decay your world until your existence is like one giant toothache.  You don't have to be Jeremy Renner to figure this out.

Collect the positive, pure, pleasant, happy, sweet little things.  Share them.  They add up to a beautiful life.

Public Service Announcement/Note to Self

Last year you gained weight, and this year you will have weddings, funerals, and graduation ceremonies to attend, so go out this month and buy yourself nice clothes that fit and are comfortable.  Make sure you also have proper shoes, hosiery, undergarments, and a coat.  Your fat hoodie looks stupid with dress apparel.

Being appropriately dressed shows respect for yourself and others.  Don't complain that you can't afford it. You know you got cash and a couple of gift cards for Christmas, and you could skip a few lattes anyway.  You don't have to be Jeremy Renner to be presentable.  There's no excuse not to do this.  Step up.

Tenth Day of Christmas

It's January third so I cleared out the living room this morning to make room for ten leaping lords, but they never showed.  According to the popular song, Hunneypunkin was supposed to send like Jeremy Renner and nine other dudes bouncing through the house today.  Maybe the snow slowed them down.

Come to think of it, I've milked the cow all by myself all week.  I should have had eight gals to help with that since Saturday.