Spring is here, and if you're interested in gardening but don't know much about it, let me offer a few items I've learned over the years. I've been a gardener all my adult life. Not a good one, but still.
I could have been way better at it, like Rapunzel, my mother, but there were books to read and music to hear while I was growing up and she was gardening. These are things either she didn't teach me because she assumed I was paying attention which I wasn't, or she did teach me and she assumed I was paying attention which I wasn't.
Seeds may not germinate if they're eleventy years old.
Anise, anise hyssop, and hyssop are not the same things. Pay attention to botanical names such as Gardenerus newbius.
"Annual" doesn't mean the plant grows back every spring. It means you have to replant or repurchase every year.
"Perennials" only grow back each season if the dog doesn't dig them up and the cats don't latrine them to death.
Free range chickens sound neat but are the opposite. They are weapons of mass destruction and will destroy all that you hold dear. You're better off setting your money on fire than trying to keep a couple of cute hens in your private Eden.
If you take your life-size Jeremy Renner cardboard cutout into the garden with you, keep him out of the sprinkler.
Carry a portable timer or alarm clock on your person. Five minutes in the garden is three and a half hours in earth time. Dinner will burn, you'll miss your appointments, and the laundry will rot in the washer.
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