Cream of Onion Soup

Mostly I was a polite and grateful child, but there was that year of cream of onion soup.

We had moved to a new town so I was nervous about measuring up to the other third graders.  All the kids had shiny superhero lunchboxes filled with Oreos, cheese sticks, a turkey sandwich, and a bag of Doritos that they would trade with other kids for Twinkies, green grapes, pretzel sticks, and a pb and j.  Except me.  I had a Tupperware tote with a little Thermos of cream of onion soup in it.

I didn't like cream of onion soup, and even worse, cream of onion soup has zero trade value in third grade.

I hated my life.

Years later the cream of onion soup made sense.  At the time there was no work, there was no money, and there were few options, but we had onions.  So my mother, Rapunzel, had tied her hair out of her way and made cream of onion soup, frozen it in little batches, and got up every morning to cook it and preheat my little Thermos to keep the soup hot until lunchtime.  When I complained, she told me how healthy it was, and like moms have been doing for generations, she omitted the more brutal details such as our household being on a knife's edge and about to be plunged into the depths of financial calamity.  Jeremy Renner couldn't have done a better job of acting as though everything was and would continue to be fine.

So if it's not too late, Mom, thank you.  Cream of onion soup, cream of anything soup actually, will always bring me happy thoughts of you.  All soup does, really.  Campbell's got nothin on you.

"These Masks Are Uncomfortable"

A much as we dislike discomfort, it's not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself.  Discomfort is a warning that calls for action.  When your leg is half numb, half pins-and-needles, you might think it's time to change position and get some blood circulating in that limb.  The empty sensation in your growling stomach could be saying you need food right away.  Teeth lodged in your butt cheek and blood soaking into your pants may indicate that you've sat on the cat and should get up immediately.  Shortness of breath, dizziness, mausea, lightheadedness, bacterial pneumonia, headaches, nasal lesions, impaired cognition, hypoxia, facial rash, skin breakdown, sinus congestion, lowered blood oxygen levels, chronic coughing, increased airway resistance, carbon dioxide accumulation, fainting, weakened immune system, screaming at strangers, or unreasonable rage at the sight of another person's nose or lips could be telling you to quit smothering yourself.

Now don't you go all Jeremy Renner on me.  You do you.  If wearing your face naked makes you uncomfortable, cover that sucker.  If the muzzle causes you discomfort, then rip that bad boy off.

The Precious Can't Stop Talking

People think The Precious is such a nice boy, and he is, but he's not the same kind of quiet polite humble kind generous thoughtful caring sincere intelligent magician at home as he is in public.  Around here he's a smidgen more impish. And talkative.  Very, very talkative.  And quite honestly, Pixie could live without that.

Maybe it's the nicknames he has for her.  Pipsqueak, Pied Piper, Pequeña, Parrot, Penny, Pick-Up-Sticks, Pick-Me-Up, Eduardo.  She despises every new title he comes up with for her.  He can't see why.

It could be that she is far too often the lone subject of his monologues.

"Does Pixie have an opinion on the matter?  Asking for a friend.  The friend doesn't care whether Pixie has an opinion on the matter.  I'm just asking for him.  I'm hungry.  Why isn't Pixie cooking me something?  I love my little sister so much.  I wish she could fathom it."

One of these days she's going to go all Jeremy Renner on him and I won't be able to stop her.