A Senior, I Do What I Want

I'll admit I went into mild shock when the nice girl behind the counter asked me, "Do you qualify for the senior discount?"
Like an idiot, on the outside I said, "No."
Internally, I was more like, wait, what?!  Do I LOOK as if I qualify for the senior discount?  At what age do I qualify for the senior discount?  How much money would I avoid spending with the senior discount?  I'm dressed in sexyboots and skinny jeans, and I have great hair.  How could even a teenybopper like her be so ridiculous as to think I might qualify for the senior discount?  If I look as though I need to be asked if I qualify for the senior discount, just gimme the stupid senior discount!
At first I laughed it off, then I went home and put the mirror through some deep agony, and after that I got distracted with real life and forgot to be concerned with my appearance.  For a few months...until another store clerk asked me the same question.
For the record, I'm younger than Jeremy Renner.  But Itellyouwhat, everybody else is trying to get ahead in life, so I'm going to do it too.  I'm embracing this.  I'm closer to forty than I am to fifty, but henceforth I'm skipping the rest of my youth.  Senior citizens get away with murder because they're old.  So here it is, people.  I'm a senior citizen and I do what I want!

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

I was so jacked up when skinny jeans returned to fashion.  I was extra jacked to be able to fit into a pair of skinny jeans.  I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to pull off a stunt like skinny jeans, but bestie danilb says I kick butt in skinny jeans, though Hunneypunkin says, "ehhh..."  But who am I going to trust for fashion sense, a lady or a working man?
My happiest moment was finding a pair of not just skinny jeans, but SPARKLY skinny jeans.  Back in the late 1900's I would have traded all the boys in the world for a pair of sparkly skinny jeans.  (Being as I was a teenage girl back in the late 1900's, you can imagine how sacrificial trading all the boys in the world would have been, so you KNOW how much I wanted those jeans.)  But alas, sparkly skinny jeans were expensive.  The best I could do back in the day was sew the legs of my faded Levi's 501 handed down straight legs to the point of burning two hundred and sixty-three calories to get my heels into them.
But good things come to those who wait, as they say.  A couple decades later, here we are in skinny jeans again.  And not just any skinny jeans.  Sparkly ones!  And because I waited patiently for them, I didn't have to trade in all the boys in the world.  Which is pretty great, because now I have sons, and they're even better than all the boys I knew back in the day.  Plus, can you even imagine a world without Jeremy Renner?