I recently enjoyed the privilege of watching a bestie feeding Gerber goobers to an adorable teensy person. It brought back happy memories. I haven't spooned Mashed Whatever into a miniature mouth in years. (I still try sometimes. Pixie gets mad. Angel Doll, Lefty, and The Precious just look at me weird.)
Anyway, Hunneypunkin asked Bestie what, exactly, this baby food was made of. It was some mixture of organic spinach and peaches, or salisbury steak and apricots, or something like that. I don't know. I just remember its appearance resembled caterpillar innards.
Bestie said we should have seen one of the baby foods she'd fed the teensy last week. It had been another unique combo of odd foods, plus there were chia seeds in it. She said it looked like vomit on the spoon. That was such a poetic phrase, I had to blog it. Vomit on the Spoon. It rolls off the tongue, like Fiddler on the Roof, or Annie Get Your Gun.
Now don't give me crap about this. I know it's a lame topic. But hey, you're the one who chose to read an entry entitled Vomit on the Spoon. At any rate, the little dude ate his goobers like the happy boy that he is and he's going to grow up tougher than Jeremy Renner, and the rest of us watched and tried to forget that at one time in our lives, we too were spoon fed stuff that was good for us but looked like vomit on the spoon.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Cinderelling for Rapunzel With Dawn
What kind of fool has four children and no dishwasher? Chevrolet Mama.
Remember when you were little and you asked your mom if you could "help with the dishes" and she took off all your clothes and dressed you in a swimsuit and stood you on a chair in front of the kitchen sink and let you spend the next seven hours playing with plastic cups in the bubbly water? I made that mistake once. Gimme a break, I was four years old. How could I know I'd just doomed myself to a childhood of slave labor?
My mother Rapunzel told me from the time I had to stand on a chair to scrub the pots, "Only Dawn gets the grease off the dishes." She was right.
My parents bought a dishwasher when I got married and left them. They bought one for themselves, I mean. Not for me. I cry foul! But I digress. (Which is, in fact, the whole point of this entire blog.)
Two valuable lessons came from my decade and a half of Cinderelling in Rapunzel's kitchen. One: Parents reserve the right to press their children into KP. And two: not all blue dish soap is Dawn. I learned both lessons well. Pixie, Angel Doll, Lefty, and The Precious wash the dishes here, and you can bet they do it with Dawn.
As you can imagine, with six mouths to feed in this house, I've built a whole craft of pulling Hunneypunkin's paychecks as tight as they'll stretch. But I've never saved money by using cheap dish soap. I just had to use more of it and change the dishwater after every third plate. Uncool! And you KNOW that the offspring are coloring on the walls and stapling the dog while you're re-rewashing dishes.
Don't get the idea that I'm plugging Dawn soap here. What I'm promoting, if anything, is teaching your children to work. If Jeremy Renner had dinner at my house, would I wash his dishes with Dawn dish soap? Absolutely not. I'd have the children do it. For Asgard! SAVE THORIN!
Remember when you were little and you asked your mom if you could "help with the dishes" and she took off all your clothes and dressed you in a swimsuit and stood you on a chair in front of the kitchen sink and let you spend the next seven hours playing with plastic cups in the bubbly water? I made that mistake once. Gimme a break, I was four years old. How could I know I'd just doomed myself to a childhood of slave labor?
My mother Rapunzel told me from the time I had to stand on a chair to scrub the pots, "Only Dawn gets the grease off the dishes." She was right.
My parents bought a dishwasher when I got married and left them. They bought one for themselves, I mean. Not for me. I cry foul! But I digress. (Which is, in fact, the whole point of this entire blog.)
Two valuable lessons came from my decade and a half of Cinderelling in Rapunzel's kitchen. One: Parents reserve the right to press their children into KP. And two: not all blue dish soap is Dawn. I learned both lessons well. Pixie, Angel Doll, Lefty, and The Precious wash the dishes here, and you can bet they do it with Dawn.
As you can imagine, with six mouths to feed in this house, I've built a whole craft of pulling Hunneypunkin's paychecks as tight as they'll stretch. But I've never saved money by using cheap dish soap. I just had to use more of it and change the dishwater after every third plate. Uncool! And you KNOW that the offspring are coloring on the walls and stapling the dog while you're re-rewashing dishes.
Don't get the idea that I'm plugging Dawn soap here. What I'm promoting, if anything, is teaching your children to work. If Jeremy Renner had dinner at my house, would I wash his dishes with Dawn dish soap? Absolutely not. I'd have the children do it. For Asgard! SAVE THORIN!
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Un Voyage Inattendu
Hunneypunkin asked what he was doing for me for Valentine's Day, and I said he was going to give me a small heart-shaped box of chocolates that were a brand name he recognized because those candies with weird labels taste bad. When I woke up on Heart Morning, there on his pillow was my heart box, but Hunneypunkin's idea of small is waaay bigger than mine. It's going to take me at least several hours to eat all that. Hunneypunkin's the BEST.
In the midst of my Russell Stover episode, Angel Doll decided to watch The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. In Francais. Turns out Thorin Oakenshield is just as magnificent as a French dwarf as he is in English.
Lefty figured it was appropriate to watch The Hobbit in French, what with it being Valentine's Day, and French being the language of love.
Listening to all that French, I kept expecting one of the dwarves to shout, "Sacrebleu!" which of course, as this is a homeschool household and we question everything here, led to wondering what sacrebleu actually means, and we learned all we ever wanted to know on that topic thanks to Bing and Wikipedia.
Pondering the term sacrebleu, in turn, led to the TV show Perfect Strangers from back in the late 1900's--anybody else remember that?--specifically, the episode where Balki was trying to cheer up a child using a sock puppet which he spontaneously named Sockrebleu. I got the giggles about that and decided I'd done enough messing around for the day and needed to start acting like a grown-up for at least a few minutes before dinner so I could feel awesome while I sat to watch the Olympics. GO TEAM USA!
So, because I was already at my desk researching French expletives, I returned to the current millennium and finished e-filing my 2013 income taxes. Then my laptop overheated and shut itself off. It does that a lot. Probably because of the hunky dwarf picture I have on it, but I don't want to take it down.
I'm considering making a film starring both Richard Armitage and Jeremy Renner. I already picked the leading men so all I have to do now is come up with a plot, write a script, and learn movie production.
The whole day turned out so differently from the normal life I had intended for myself. Some days I think it would be nice to have an attention span. Perhaps even some self-discipline. But truthfully, I love this unexpected journey.
In the midst of my Russell Stover episode, Angel Doll decided to watch The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. In Francais. Turns out Thorin Oakenshield is just as magnificent as a French dwarf as he is in English.
Lefty figured it was appropriate to watch The Hobbit in French, what with it being Valentine's Day, and French being the language of love.
Listening to all that French, I kept expecting one of the dwarves to shout, "Sacrebleu!" which of course, as this is a homeschool household and we question everything here, led to wondering what sacrebleu actually means, and we learned all we ever wanted to know on that topic thanks to Bing and Wikipedia.
Pondering the term sacrebleu, in turn, led to the TV show Perfect Strangers from back in the late 1900's--anybody else remember that?--specifically, the episode where Balki was trying to cheer up a child using a sock puppet which he spontaneously named Sockrebleu. I got the giggles about that and decided I'd done enough messing around for the day and needed to start acting like a grown-up for at least a few minutes before dinner so I could feel awesome while I sat to watch the Olympics. GO TEAM USA!
So, because I was already at my desk researching French expletives, I returned to the current millennium and finished e-filing my 2013 income taxes. Then my laptop overheated and shut itself off. It does that a lot. Probably because of the hunky dwarf picture I have on it, but I don't want to take it down.
I'm considering making a film starring both Richard Armitage and Jeremy Renner. I already picked the leading men so all I have to do now is come up with a plot, write a script, and learn movie production.
The whole day turned out so differently from the normal life I had intended for myself. Some days I think it would be nice to have an attention span. Perhaps even some self-discipline. But truthfully, I love this unexpected journey.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Giraffes and Gravy
Their initial is about the only thing that giraffes have in common with gravy, especially considering giraffes have the same number of vertebrae in their necks as humans (just way bigger), whereas gravy, if it's a good gravy, is actually boneless.
When Pixie was extra-miniature, giraffes were her favorite animal at Woodland Park Zoo. I wanted to check out the big cats, but Pixie would plead for the "'waffes". We bought her a finger-puppet 'waffe from the zoo's gift shop so she'd quit begging for a live one. For all her love of 'waffes, Pixie didn't really give a monkey's butt about gravy.
I hear it's a well-known statistic that Jeremy Renner is ninety-two percent more likely to have any use for gravy than for giraffes, and I would recommend checking the origin before obtaining either one. If the label says "made in China", you're not getting a giraffe from it's native origin, and you'll have no idea how fresh your gravy really is.
Proper storage is of utmost importance, as gravy should be refrigerated until ready to eat but chilling would be harmful to a giraffe.
Giraffes are notably spotted, while one may be concerned if one finds spots in one's gravy, depending on what kind of gravy. Unnecessary lumps are distasteful in both giraffes and gravy. Due to the Turkey Frosting incident at Grandma's house years ago, my family understands the importance of clearly labeling such kitchen staples as cornstarch and powdered sugar. Powdered sugar puts lumps in the gravy but, we now know, doesn't cause it to thicken. However, none of us have yet tested the effects of powdered sugar on a giraffe.
I would like to conclude by stating that whilst I am most definitely a carnivore, and I do like gravy on my meat, I have never to my knowledge eaten giraffe, with or without gravy.
When Pixie was extra-miniature, giraffes were her favorite animal at Woodland Park Zoo. I wanted to check out the big cats, but Pixie would plead for the "'waffes". We bought her a finger-puppet 'waffe from the zoo's gift shop so she'd quit begging for a live one. For all her love of 'waffes, Pixie didn't really give a monkey's butt about gravy.
I hear it's a well-known statistic that Jeremy Renner is ninety-two percent more likely to have any use for gravy than for giraffes, and I would recommend checking the origin before obtaining either one. If the label says "made in China", you're not getting a giraffe from it's native origin, and you'll have no idea how fresh your gravy really is.
Proper storage is of utmost importance, as gravy should be refrigerated until ready to eat but chilling would be harmful to a giraffe.
Giraffes are notably spotted, while one may be concerned if one finds spots in one's gravy, depending on what kind of gravy. Unnecessary lumps are distasteful in both giraffes and gravy. Due to the Turkey Frosting incident at Grandma's house years ago, my family understands the importance of clearly labeling such kitchen staples as cornstarch and powdered sugar. Powdered sugar puts lumps in the gravy but, we now know, doesn't cause it to thicken. However, none of us have yet tested the effects of powdered sugar on a giraffe.
I would like to conclude by stating that whilst I am most definitely a carnivore, and I do like gravy on my meat, I have never to my knowledge eaten giraffe, with or without gravy.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Empty Headed
Campaigning to save Thorin got me stuck in a mental loop and I need a new blog topic. Make your suggestions. The most random topic, wins. No fair requesting info about Jeremy Renner, I don't even know the guy. Ready? Go!
Saturday, February 1, 2014
**SAVE THORIN**
I don't know who Ms. Gigglepants is but I concur (as would Jeremy Renner if he has any sense whatsoever):
http://msgigglepants.wordpress.com/2013/12/16/a-new-thought-on-desolation-of-smaug-and-this-ones-a-happy-one/
"Image copyright Warner Bros., manip. Dark Jackal, text mine
SAVE THORIN!!
…and you might spare Fili and Kili too. Fili’s the heir and Kili, well; the boy has game. “She walks in starlight, somewhere far away from me…” or something like that, I don’t know, I was swooning. It’s almost Shakespeare. Between the three of these lads, we’ll have the Line of Durin repopulated in no time. Whew! Is it hot in here? Oh yeah. SAVE THORIN."
Also, I'm cheezed that Ms. Gigglepants thought of this before I did.
http://msgigglepants.wordpress.com/2013/12/16/a-new-thought-on-desolation-of-smaug-and-this-ones-a-happy-one/
"Image copyright Warner Bros., manip. Dark Jackal, text mine
SAVE THORIN!!
…and you might spare Fili and Kili too. Fili’s the heir and Kili, well; the boy has game. “She walks in starlight, somewhere far away from me…” or something like that, I don’t know, I was swooning. It’s almost Shakespeare. Between the three of these lads, we’ll have the Line of Durin repopulated in no time. Whew! Is it hot in here? Oh yeah. SAVE THORIN."
Also, I'm cheezed that Ms. Gigglepants thought of this before I did.
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