Eating Like a Goat

It isn't true that goats eat everything.  Goats don't eat the mallow that grow everywhere choking out all other plants and is the bane of my existence.  Goats don't eat it, that its, unless you pick it yourself and hand feed it to them one nibble at a time.  Goats will, however, chow down on a plastic tarpaulin.  If you shout at them to quit, and run to stop them, they'll chow down even faster.  Don't worry though, after you pull a couple miles of tarp out of their throats, whatever they've already ingested will magically turn into garden fertilizer pellets.

Goats, I have learned, are not classed as grazers, but as browsers.  This means they like to roam the neighborhood and sample a weed or two here (if it isn't mallow) and a garden crop there, a flower bush on one side and the saplings you got for Mother's Day on the other.

I have learned also that all parts of the mallow which is the bane of my existence is actually humanly edible and nutritious, just like the dandelion which is the bane of Hunneypunkin's existence.

And now I have learned that lilac flowers too are edible.  So of course I absolutely must experiment with making lilac sugar, lilac honey, lilac syrup, lilac lemonade, and lilac extract.  It occurred to me as I was roaming through my yard like Jeremy Renner on his ranch to collect edible oddities that if I start eating yard plants, it's like I'm turning into the goats that I love and hate so much.

The Case for May

The internet is alive with the explanation for the name of the current month: it may be windy, it may be sunny, it may be warm, it may be snowing, it may be any combination of weather all in the same day.  Nevertheless, I vote yes on the month of May.

Besides Mother's Day, Treasure's birthday, my own birthday I share with Angel Boy whether he acknowledges it or not, Memorial Day, and the last frost date so we all can plant things, this month hosts some other cool dates.

Batman Day, Star Wars Days, No Pants Day, Space Day, Beverage Day, Astronomy Day, Herb Day, Free Comic Book Day, Europe Day, Lost Sock Memorial Day, Clean Up Your Room Day, National School Nurse Day, Twilight Zone Day, Eat What You Want Day, Limerick Day, Frog Jumping Day, Dance Like a Chicken Day, Chocolate Chip Day, Pack Rat Day, No Dirty Dishes Day, May Ray Day, Pizza Party Day, Be a Millionaire Day, Talk Like Yoda Day, Buy a Musical Instrument Day, Scavenger Hunt Day, Sing Out Day, Towel Day, World Lindy Hop Day, Sun Screen Day, Hamburger Day, Put a Pillow on Your Fridge Day, My Bucket's Got a Hole Day, and Macaroon Day.

If Clean Up Your Room Day came first, there may not have been a need for Lost Sock Memorial Day.

For Pixie, every day is Chocolate Chip Day.

For Jeremy Renner, every day is Be a Millionaire Day.

For Hunneypunkin, every day he's married to me is probably Twilight Zone Day.

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

Can't believe the number of people sporting fake IDs.  Not counterfeit driver's licenses, but people identifying as victims when they're not.  What purpose does a false identity serve?  Getting you into places that you're not supposed to go.  Places that aren't for you.

This is a picture of a fake ID.

emptiness, codependence, indecision, guilt, insecurity, manipulation, mocking, dejection, gossip, confusion, aimlessness, shame, rebellion, fear, crab mentality, jealousy, disappointment, arrogance, anger, uncertainty, vengeance, psychological abuse, anxiety, neglect, trauma, abandonment, apathy, exploitation, codependence, hatred, depression, rejection, dishonesty, verbal abuse, division, substance abuse, isolation, blame, discouragement, despair, excuses

We all experience those things on occasion, but you're not supposed to live there.  Those stupid games are their own stupid prizes.

Jeremy Renner lived in his car and worked as a makeup artist while working for a better life, but he's not still doing it.  Being a victim is a temporary status, not a permanent residence.

Live up to the identity you were born for.

standards, contentment, motivation, purity, responsibility, unity, honesty, acceptance, generosity, humility, reputation, trust, strength, wellness, courage, purpose, healing, meaning, caring, relationship, laughter, repentance, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self control, grace, harmony, mercy, blessing, stability, fulfillment, assurance, affirmation, freedom, forgiveness, respect, boundaries, dignity

Better games, better prizes.

Here's My Attitude, You're Welcome

I'm in such a bad mood today and I have neither guilt nor shame.  I'm in full-on temper tantrum mode because every detail in the world is not existing precisely according to my blueprint.

I wanted to ingest all deliciousness while being slim, healthy, energetic, and just muscular enough to look tough and cool but not bodybuilder-like.  I wanted a wardrobe both stylish and comfortable.  I wanted the weather to be always seventy-five degrees with a slight breeze but no wind, and mostly sunny for the month of April.  I wanted my family and friends to be free from all problems and our teeth to sparkle when we smile like a Crest toothpaste commercial back in the late 1900's.  I wanted our pets to live forever.

I didn't get what I want, I'm mad about it, and I blame Jeremy Renner for no reason.  That is all.

Be Honest With Yourself

That's all I have to say.  You can lie to yourself all you want, but you'll never progress, the people around you will see that reality, and you'll look like a toddler playing hide and seek.  You've seen that, right?  Two-year-olds put their hands over their own eyes and believe you're the one who can't see.

Whether you're Jeremy Renner or a homeless person, learn to tell yourself the truth.  Spoiler: when you're a homeless person who embraces the truth, you won't be homeless long.

When Mother Nature Gets the Holiday Wrong

It's snowing for Holy Week, but don't freak out.  Even though it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, you don't have to let that throw off your groove.  Boil those eggs and get them dyed, bake the rolls, and try not to "preview" too many of those yellow and pink foiled chocolates.  And don't even start on how Resurrection Sunday isn't about bunnies and eggs.  Birthdays aren't about cake either, but I make you one every year and you like it.

I mean, I get it.  Winter's starting a farewell tour, but the audience is over it.  Hold on, we will get through this. Spring will come.  For now, while the wind screams, the sleet swirls, and Jeremy Renner basks in the California sun, keep your winter coat handy, but keep watering those garden starts.  Don't let this nasty weather get you down.  Be like Jesus, and rise.

No Expiration

Proper manners are dying in current society.  People seem to think they don't matter anymore.  (Spoiler: THEY MATTER.)

Say please, thank you, and you're welcome.  People say all the time, "I just don't know how to handle a compliment."  I do.  Say thank you.  Also, if you feel awkward receiving compliments, you need to start giving them more.

Call before you drop in.  If you simply must stop by unannounced, keep the visit short, and don't gossip about how unprepared your victim was for unexpected company.  Spontaneity is cool, but don't confuse it with rudeness.

Treat your friends well, treat strangers as well as you treat your friends, and treat your family better than you treat your friends.  Family doesn't mean absence of boundaries.  Be on time, be awake, be interested, be informed, be polite, be engaged, be appropriately dressed.

Anxiety, depression, and trauma do not exempt you from basic rules of polite society.  Violation of basic rules of polite society catalyzed the anxiety, depression, and trauma in the first place, and a return to the basic rules of polite society will help facilitate restoration of your mental health.

Anything Jeremy Renner gets away with in the movies or on set doesn't matter.  Manners do.

Good manners haven't expired.  We need them now more than ever.  Good manners aren't a power play or a show of stuffiness, they're how you show people respect--for yourself as well as them.